Back to Reality

“What you get by achieving your goals,
is not as important as what you
become by achieving your goals”
- Henry David Thereau
             This week was rough; getting back into practices, workouts, school, and preparing for the volleyball games ahead. Coming back from a relaxed break visiting my family and friends, I was rather overwhelmed when I got back to my regular routine. Have you ever felt as though you are physically running from place to place just so that you fit everything you need to do in your twenty-four hour day? Well that’s exactly what I was actually doing this week. I tried to cram my 8 hours of sleep a night so that I could be energized enough to work from 7:30 am until 9:30 pm. Then as I realized I had to have meetings to prepare for more deadlines, all of my daybreaks filled up. I ended up eating mostly bananas on the go in an effort to maintain energy from my 7 am breakfast till my 10 pm dinner. I even attempted to make a list of things I needed to do in order to organize my days better. After creating the list I realized that it was actually impossible for me to physically fit everything into my day, and that, in itself brought me more anxiety. Sometimes I have to tell myself to slow down, ‘Take your time and don’t worry. It's ok to procrastinate occasionally. However, your well-being is more important than this.” 
                Finishing workouts Friday was a huge relief; I needed a break! Practice was extremely frustrating trying to learn new techniques and break old habits. And the hardest part is listening over and over to the coaches telling you how you seem to be doing everything wrong. My positive and enthusiastic attitude was on the verge of a breakdown. So this weekend, I had to save a little time to center and come back to my true self. I needed to leave my homework aside, and break from the rules and requests of my professors and coaches and do things that I requested of myself. On the Saturday morning, I felt trapped by the walls of my room: a place I often do homework. I almost snapped as I felt increasingly congested and confined, so I decided to take my homework outside by the school lake. Just being outside and spending time breathing in fresh air alongside the wild iguanas, turtles, and ducks made me feel as though I had escaped from the conformity in my weekly routines. I needed the shift and break from the regular day activity. The next day I decided to go to the Venetian Pool with one of my team mates. This mini paradise, although smothered with hyper elementary school kids, made me realize that I can’t always try to please others, I must honor my own needs too. I continued this 'self-gratitude' day eating food from the Last Carrot, drinking an Acai smoothie, and grocery shopping for my healthy morning parfaits and lunch meals (I decided to get more ingredients so that I could make sandwiches and take them on-the-go). Then, what better way to end the previous week and welcome the new one, I meditated and participated in the school Slow Flow Yoga class. Releasing all my physical, emotional, and mental tensions and finding inner peace allowed me to free myself from anxieties. I thought to myself, all of those things I was stressing about don’t really matter. I won’t be productive and I wont create and do my best work without this feeling of internal satisfaction. So with this in mind, I’m going to try to take a step back and make more time for myself within the week. I can’t cram too much into my schedule, in fear of procrastination or not pleasing others, because in the end there is something more important than that; my wellbeing. 

“What lies behind us and what lies ahead of
us are tiny matters compared to what lives within us”
- Henry David Thereau